Easter

Spent the day walking all over town.. down by the water, South of Ft. Harrison, downtown.. just all around. My only company on such a day of celebration was a 50 year old homeless man who happened to be wandering around too. We sat and talked for a bit and then went our separate ways. No sooner had I arrived home than I found myself passed out asleep on the couch. Made my way to bed and dozed another couple hours. Finally woke around 8, got a message from my niece that she was being baptized tonight.. so I watched it live on the internet. What an odd concept. It's not like being there, but it had to do. It's a shame to miss such an important thing in her life and I'll probably have some regrets about that.. in fact I already do. I hope though that she knows how much I love her and am proud of her.

I wish I'd been there.. it's upsetting that I missed it. I love holidays and celebrations and family and gatherings. What am I doing on the other side of the country with none of those things? I've spent all the holidays in the past 8 months alone, aside from Christmas.. and it's a horrible feeling. Today, Easter.. I was sat at Wendy's alone with a baked potato and no other customers. It's just this empty feeling like nobody'd even notice if I wasn't around.

I wanted to celebrate the day with my family and I so miss that. Today felt like any other day, which usually isn't particularly good, or certainly not cause for celebration.

Even at its best today, when I was down at the water talking with Kenzie on the phone.. there's this huge void in me. It's beautiful here.. it's so amazingly beautiful sitting down by the water. The weather was perfect and crisp and the air was clean.. and it felt like everything that an April day should be, but still I had nobody around, nobody to talk to. Next year.