Reality check

So I decided a bit back (maybe a month or two?) that I needed to curb my drinking. Well.. I shouldn't take that much credit. It's not as though I actively decided I needed to stop, rather my stomach sort of closed the deal. I'd try having even a single drink and couldn't manage more than a few sips of anything alcoholic before it'd bring on serious hertburn and nausea. It's like all of a sudden my body refused and I couldn't force anything down even when I was trying. A few weeks of this and I figured maybe this was a good opportunity to cut my drinking. It'd become a daily habit since living here. Not that I was constantly intoxicated, just that I'd come home and have a few drinks every night to relax. And I guess that's not such a big deal, but because I'm usually so up and down with my emotions, it was effecting me in a big way. Not that I'll never find myself drunk again, but it's been nice having a few months without feeling like I had to have it. I just hate the way I behave when I've had a few drinks. It's not me.. it's so aggressive.

I want more for myself than sitting alone in a dirty apartment, drinking away my troubles and working at a job that was deteriorating any mental wellness I had left. I hope I'm not fooling myself by thinking it's unlikely the same thing will happen once I'm back in Flagstaff again. But I have a reasonable plan returning "home" and I really want to accomplish it. I feel like I can. I just know the things I was doing here to try to cope with my problems were only making them worse. I need a good support system, I need a plan, I need stability. I want to feel good about myself and I want to feel as though I have some future, some hope at attaining the things I've wanted for so long. I'm praying going back to Arizona is the first step toward all of that.