Things were good when we were young

Today's been one of those days there aren't any real fitting words for. There's some kind of funk hanging over everyone I know. Like we're all awaiting something, but not sure of what. Restlessness would probably be most accurate, but that's still not quite right. Today's gorgeous but I haven't been able to enjoy it since I woke up. In fact, it's debateable whether I really ever have woken up today. Feel so fucking lathargic. It's a shame to waste today because I have nowhere to go and noone to see, and even if I did, I'd probably still be sitting here idly and smoking my last cigarette anyway. I need more smokes. No.. no I don't.

Jane's having a rough time today and I wish I knew the words to say to comfort her. Usually I do. Usually there's some kind of energy in me that makes everything alright. Not today.

Spoke to Dustin awhile yesterday but today we've both been in the same frame of mind. Just.. no words. Like someone's come and taken all the words from me. No thoughts to worry over or to look forward to. No real emotion. This must be what it feels like to not be bipolar. Not having anything to focus on, good or bad is most disconcerting. I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not at some extreme. Blah, sick of my own words. Done now.

What the motherfuck is wrong with me? Sometimes I irritate myself so much I want to kick my own ass.