I'm high enough from all the waiting

Alright.. so for a few days I'd distanced myself from Jeph, thinking it'd be easier if I tried letting go. It was too painful. He's so easy to show affection toward. The only other person it's felt as "right" to hug has been Sean.. I don't know what it is. I crave him. He can say or do the littlest thing and it tides me over for a few days. I'd convinced myself, for the sake of ease, that he thought very little of me. I mean.. I knew we were pretty close but I thought it was more one-sided on my part. Then he leaves the slightest stupidist high school comment on myspace saying he'd told Shay last night that if he were straight he'd snatch me up in a heartbeat. That's so hard to read. It gets my hopes up and makes me question our relationship. It makes me slightly awkward around him.. wanting to always be near him.

This would be so much easier if I could either outright tell him how I felt or if suddenly we weren't around each other all day. Eventually this would fade and I could think of being with someone else. I'm so happy being around him, but it's painful when we're not together. It's painful knowing we never WILL be together.