How to operate with a blown mind

Today's been pretty fucking good. Spoke to Dustin online a bit today. I love that man. We're so incapable of being serious, and it's perfect. We make each other laugh so much. I was actually bordering on being slightly down just about an hour ago, but he called for only a few minutes before he left work for the night, and by the end of the phone call we were both completely happy and laughing and content with everything.

It's not that we're never serious or that we don't discuss things when we need to, it's just that.. we take very little seriously. We just enjoy each others' company and let it go from there. We don't make plans or talk about the future, aside from me going to live with him in 2 months. But even then, we joke about it more than anything.

I'm able to completely be myself around him. I don't hold back saying things or acting how I would when no one else is around. It's like we've known each other all our lives. Like we've always been together.. almost like we've grown up together. We have the same flaws and habits even. It's insane.

You know what it's like... it's like.. I've never in all my life felt NORMAL. I've always felt like I was insane and alone, and that no one else around understood. That no one else ever got it, ever saw what I was seeing, ever reacted the way I'd react. And now we're together.. I feel so healthy and normal. I feel like I've found the one other person who gets it the way I do. I feel normal. He said the same thing. As insane as we both are, when we're together.. we think of ourselves and of the other as being normal.

Oh man.. we make each other laugh so much. He's truly my best friend. I can't ever imagine anyone else. It's not even that I miss him so terribly much (although I do).. it's more that I SO completely look forward to seeing him again.

With Sean it was always, "I miss him" but I missed the idea of him more than the reality and his actual presence. As soon as he was around again, I was immediately wishing he wasn't. With Dustin it's just like.. I know how happy we are around each other, and I get excited knowing we'll be in each others' company again soon. Things are tolerable without him, but completely enjoyable and fun and perfect when we're together. My emotions toward him aren't wrapped up in missing him, they're wrapped up in being excited and happy to think of seeing him again soon. It's not even like, "oh I can't wait to show him this or that, or to take him here or there." It's just, I can't wait to see him again. It's not about going to do exciting things, or about planning our future, or about being unable to live without him. It's just about being around him, plain and simple. About enjoying the stupidist, silliest things together. You know.. it's like whenever the color on your television looks kind of grayed out, and so you fuck around with the hues and brightness.. and suddenly everything's much more vivid. That's how I feel around him. Everything comes to life, it's all enjoyable and bright and real. It's like my senses come alive. Everything is curious and tangible and interesting... not sort of dull and gray as it always has been before.

I'm gonna stop, I'm so gay.

I've never been so happy. I love him to pieces. :)