Crystal ball, save us all.. tell me life is beautiful

I don't know how to sum up the past month.. I couldn't if I tried. It's been full of emotional ups and downs. It was so hard being back in England without Sean's mom around. It felt so empty.. it's weird you can spend so much time in a place and feel like you know it well, and then return under different circumstances and suddenly everything looks and feels different. It's like viewing it through someone else's eyes. It all seemed sad and gray and surreal. It feels like my childhood has officially ended with her passing. All of the hopes and dreams I once had about a life in England with Sean died along with her. I don't know.. I want to cling onto her and onto that, but I can't. this hurts so much.