I wanted to stay. I wanted to play. I wanted to love you.

What it must be like to go a DAY without this feeling. I need love. I need so badly to be loved. My body aches for it. I want to get on with things already and stop thinking of England and wishing I was there. It's not gonna happen. Hmm.. Shay's down in Phoenix over the weekend.. I have the apartment to myself. It's nice, but has this depressing feel to it since I came back. Then again, everything has that feeling.

Made an attempt at getting pregnant by Sean... didn't work. I'm on my period now. :(

This can't be all there is for me. I could cry.

God I miss his mom.. I can't bear the thought of knowing she's not around. Where have the years gone? It's like I blink and a decade has passed. And I can't stop it.. it scares me not knowing what really is in my future. I spend so much time thinking about how I'd like it to be, and taking no action to see that it happens. I sit here watching it all pass by helplessly. I'm so afraid of life.