All I need's a little time

Weird night.. Dustin went out to dinner with his dad in celebration of Father's Day. I didn't go.. I didn't want to. He was still gone at 8:30. I don't know.. I've been in a weird frame of mind all night. I didn't want to be in the house. Not for any real reason.. my mind just started acting up and I wanted to be outside to clear my head a bit. So I went out onto the back porch. Just sat there awhile staring up into the sky and petting on Lucy. Nothing's wrong.. nothing at all. I think it just hits me from time to time that this could potentially be my life if I so wanted it to be. And of course if Dustin wanted me to stay here. And I sat there on back deck trying to come to grips with being in Arkansas.. with being in the South. The sun had already set, and it's been cloudy and gray all day, so the night sky was exactly as I like it. Dull. Exactly how I was feeling.

I sat out there a good hour thinking about things. About where I was and why I was here and where I was headed. About how slow the pace of life is here. I was annoyed at myself for not having gone out there much before tonight. It's so beautiful.. and I neglect that. I sit in this room all day, and I could be anywhere. But I don't want to be anywhere, I want to be here. I want to know I'm here in Arkansas and I want to appreciate it. It's so gorgeous and I forget that. I want to make the most of my time here, however long that may be.

I loved sitting out there.. no computer, no TV, no music.. nothing but the backyard and the trees and the sky and my own thoughts. And it's so peaceful and calming and real.