Already????? How'd that happen

So my mom gets here tomorrow.. TOMORROW???? How the hell has this day arrived so soon? I mean.. back in April it seemed like it was still forever and a day away.. And then Sean visited for nearly 3 weeks and we had a really nice time, and I guess that passed the time. Now here it is. I don't feel prepared, mentally or physically. I WANT to go back, I do.. and I have very few reservations about returning to Arizona.. but of course I am a little anxious. I'm going back hoping I stay there many many years if not for the rest of my life, but I guess I'm worried this will be just another failure before I'm off somewhere else again. And I don't want to do that. I don't like moving from place to place because it never allows me to settle and have a life. I keep chasing something I can't have unless I do actually settle. I'm not afraid to be going back to Arizona.. I'm afraid it won't last and within 2 years I'll be writing a similar blog entry from like.. I dunno.. Wisconsin or some crap. I don't want to keep doing this the rest of my life. I'm tired of it. I want to feel clean and normal and happy and stable.. I just don't know that I can. One year seems to make so much difference in my life. I don't know why, but twelve months for me usually sees me in an entire new situation or life. It's kind of exciting because it means I truly never know where I'll be a year from now or what I'll be doing or what routine will make up my life, but it also makes me very anxious and unsettled. I can't assume anything.

BB and M leave the same day I do.. And I'll get to see them just a few weeks after I leave here. Hopefully that'll be good.. My apartment should be set up enough by then that it won't be a strain to have company. Glad I'll be seein her so soon afterward.. it might help me feel like we're not so far apart and like I'm never gonna see her again.

Ok.. should be cleanin up apartment.

Baby Kittens

Awww.. so cute. Four ickle small kittens. No favorites yet, and one is already fat. The Katrina-looking one is already a big plumper. One looks like Bourbon and the other 2? Gray and white. Taking them all with me and then will decide if I'll keep one when they're a bit older. If I do, I'll keep a girl as Amelia is getting on in years and I already have my perfect little man. Haha.. I've gotta keep Killian away from them. I let him in to see them for a brief visit and he discovered they could be used as toys and began batting at the tubby one and then lightly gripped his teeth around its neck. It squealed and he released it, but he's definitely showing interest now as opposed to a few days back when he'd head straight for the good kitten food and, in the usual manly fashion, swaggered back out with a full stomach and no responsibility. All he needed was a beer and a tv remote.

2 Days

Yesterday was SO SO nice. It was probably the most enjoyable day I've had since living here. I woke up in a good mood for no particular reason, and a Starbucks Sean had surprised me with as he was up 30 minutes before I awoke. The wireless signal I've been using here since January has suddenly stopped working (as has the laptop, yet again) so we came down here to the business center with our coffees. Got to check up on my mail and regular sites before heading out to the pool for a few hours. I layed out and swam for probably 3 hours. Even Sean eventually joined me. We came back to the apartment and decided to go for a drive to Safety Harbor, since neither of us had been before and we're quickly running out of new areas to explore. So we hop in the car and drive out along the water and walk down the pier near the Safety Harbor Spa. After about an hour we make our way to a nearby park which was GORGEOUS and eerily similar to Heber Springs in Arkansas. So much so that I couldn't help but tell Sean about it, and about how Dustin and I had gone jumping off the cliffs and boating and all this. I mean, it really looked identical. We stayed there maybe an hour and a half walking around and found this little inlet with what looked like rock crabs? Neither of us having ever lived near the Ocean, that was our best guess. Haha, it'll probably wind up having been something like, I dunno.. a sea turtle? By now it was probably nearly 7pm and we found a cool restaurant just off the Courtney Campbell Causeway overlooking Tampa Bay. We sat outside and watched the sunset.. and because I'd had a drink or two.. everything was incredibly funny and realistic, and what would've otherwise been a romantic dinner between any two other people turned into hysterics from both of us.

Ok yeah, I need to go.. I was in the middle of that but need to take care of a few things..