Lack of anything better to do

Hmm.. not much in the way of news. I want to get my apartment set up so badly. I know I'll be here awhile assuming I can tolerate my forthcoming job. I want this to be the place I live for the next 5 to 10 years. I have an image in my head of exactly how I'd like it to look, but currently don't have the money to transform the place. So much potential, and I'm not afraid this time of putting in the effort to get it how I want because I know I'm not gonna run away in 6 months when things start to go slightly amiss. I'll love it here once it's a proper place.

Many animals

So my mom had Toy (Gene's dog, ugh.. what a terrible name) over at her house a few days and Toy managed to slide open a window, chew through the screen, and get out. We came back to find her missing, but went outside calling for her and she came running back. She can't be left alone in the days, sooooooo..... I'm taking her for a while during the days while my mom's at work. We just got in from a walk at the park and around town. She loves it.. it's her territory. We even stopped in at the bank for a treat for her like she's used to. I think it's helping her to keep a similar routine in such bad circumstances for her. It was a bit sad though.. as we were sitting in the square an ambulance came blaring past and she started howling. I think she associates that sound with Gene. It's nice having her around. I've got the cats and I'm totally committed to them, but it's nice to have a dog to be able to take around town and get out some. So much more sociable.

While we were out, Warren called and left a message. I love the sound of his voice. He's so.. welcoming and affectionate in a desireable way. Arrrrr. :-D I think I fancy him just the slightest bit, and the new friendship and attention are nice.

On the homefront

Well.. went for an interview yesterday and was offered the job. I accepted and signed all the necessary paperwork. I have to submit to a drug test in a few hours. Assuming all goes well, I'll begin August 7th a 4 month training process. I'm a bit nervous and it's not something I've done before, but I think it'll be alright.. They seem to think I'll do fine, so I'll trust their judgement.

Sean mentioned a bit more yesterday about his mom's condition. She'll begin chemotherapy in a month to try to stop the growth of new cancer, but she was told it almost certainly can't be cured. They didn't say it was as bad as being terminal, but I get the feeling it's along those same lines. I think it's that serious.

Oh.. Gene's back in the hospital.. he won't stop drinking. So my mom has his dog over at her house. He's not doing very good.. she may wind up inheriting a dog. Ehh.. I may wind up inheriting a dog.

Holly, James, and the girls won't be up this weekend as planned. They had a death in the family. James' uncle passed away apparently from drug and alcohol related issues. I don't feel bad for him.. I never much liked him, but his daughter Amy is one of the people I'm closest to in his family. She's 2 years older than me and got married a year or so back, so she's got her own family now. As sad as it is, she may be a bit relieved.

After all that.. I'm so happy to be back. I can't even put it into words. It's even nice visiting my mom's house and sitting outside on the deck in the evenings. Usually about twilight storms begin to roll in off the mountain and I sit out there watching. It's beautiful and peaceful and calm here. It's so real.

No sleep

Alright.. so since I've moved into this apartment, I situated my bed out in the front room because this is the only room with TV and internet access capability, being that it's an old building and won't allow new jacks to be installed. Also, the bedroom has 3 large windows that face out onto the street. It can get noisy at night and also very warm in the early morning hours as the sun shines in.

Well.. since I've brought Little man over, I've not had a good night's sleep. He seems incapable of settling down at night and understanding that it's time for bed. He runs around constantly, knocking things over, making noise, and generally pissing me off and keeping me from getting more than about 3 hours of sleep a night. I finally lost it earlier this morning when he knocked over, in quick secession, a bowl, a chair, got into a plastic bag and made noise with it for 5 minutes, and jumped on the counter and knocked off a pile of change.. I'd been up throughout the night gently removing him and placing him either on the bed with me or on the floor. But I lost my patience, got up, and hit him pretty hard. If he had any nuts left I'd have kicked him hard in them. I'm sleep deprived and exhausted, and upset with myself for losing my temper that much with him. I cried afterward for having been that horrible to him.. and now he's keeping his distance.

Even now he's doing it.. I gave up on getting any sleep tonight altogether, and even as I sit here typing this he's running around like a fucking maniac. It's taking my last bit of patience not to go over and beat the crap out of him. I LOVE him, but God.. fucking stop.

So the solution is to move my bed into the bedroom, deal with the street noise and the heat first thing in the morning, and just PRAY he doesn't sit outside the door meowing all night like he'd started to do right before I left Florida.

I have such a temper and I worry he's gonna piss me off too much one time and I'll wind up throwing him out of the fucking window down on the street below. WHY can't he just like, chill out at night. He's the perfect cat in every other way, but he does NOT understand that I don't want all my shit ruined and him meowing and getting into crap and playing ALL FUCKING NIGHT.

Oh yeah, Happy Birthday

It's Sean's 26th Birthday today.

It begins again

What a joke.. I'm such a joke. Why did I think there was a chance I could be decent? God, help.

Sean's mom

Sean's mom and the family met with her doctor yesterday for the test results. She has cancerous tumors on her lungs. Apparently they're not that large in size, so says the doctor. A few, the largest of which is 2x2 inches in diameter. Still, that news wouldn't particularly bring me comfort. She'll begin chemotherapy soon for a 6 month duration. Their prognosis of her condition is guarded. Sean will pretty much stay put with her in Shrewsbury and Niall's even been staying over.. helping cook and clean as her health is already somewhat declining just from nearly a year of illness. I hope she'll be alright. I can't imagine what would happen to the family if the worst were to happen. I wonder if Lisa understands any of this..? I'll be praying for his mom.

Fat

I've gotten SO FUCKING FAT. I can't stand how overweight I feel. Enough already.

I will enjoy it

I'm back in Flag.. in my own apartment. Right downtown in the square. I haven't unpacked or properly moved any of my furniture here, so it's fairly unsettled looking. I love being thise close to everything, but the high ceilings will take some getting used to. I think I have the opposite of claustraphobia. I dislike large open spaces. They make me nervous. Being that this is an old building, it has 12 foot tall ceilings and some exposed pipes. The rooms are massive, far too big for all of my things. I'm pretty certain everything I had in my other apartment in Flag here a year or so ago would all fit in the bedroom. I'll have to eventually buy more stuff to fill this room. That's fine. I plan on being here awhile.

I strangely don't have any feelings of regret about returning to Arizona.. I thought I would. This almost seems too easy. ?? I love being back. Oh my God, it's a mirage. Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Truly.. never ever EVER moving somewhere for someone else again. I'd like to think I'll be in this same apartment when I turn 30.. If someone wants to be with me, they can move here with me. Fuck packing my things up again and going somewhere else. I'm an idiot.